Regarding My Muse

I often question my career path; lately, I’m wondering what other training I can get to have more options if I’m not able to sustain my patchwork of income streams. And yet, when a performance comes together, after hours of practice and careful thought allow the catharsis of expression that happens when my soul melds with the dots on the page, translated to sound, I feel like music is the truth about me.

I pray I’m one of the lucky ones who can continue for a long time without serious injury. Regardless, as I get older and realize more and more that humans aren’t always invincible and even the greatest love affairs can end without warning, I appreciate the blessing of being able to interpret on the piano in a way that feeds me, even in my own living room.

I wonder if I could be one of those people who has a more lucrative job, but still plays at a high level. I am in awe of the ____/musicians out there. I feel like God gave me the responsibility of managing my son’s life — which is shaped by his being on the autism specrtum, his seizures, and his nationally-recognized gifts as a painter — and my artsy pursuits give me some flexibility. And yet, I wonder if I’m doing this life thing wisely.

Nonetheless, on this day, music feels like a glorious privilege for which I am supremely grateful.